When my anger rises I lose all control and say things I deeply regret afterwards. Is there really a way to hold the anger back in that boiling moment?

Yes. There is a way, though it is not quite the way people expect. It is not about becoming a man who never feels the heat rise. It is about what you do in the few moments while that heat is at its highest.

A man once came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and asked for a word to live by. He was given one instruction, repeated until it would stay with him.

“Do not become angry.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him), Sahih al-Bukhari (6116) (also Jami’ at-Tirmidhi and Musnad Ahmad) · meaning

That is the aim. And the Prophet, peace be upon him, also showed where the remedy lies inside the boiling instant itself. He watched the heat rise in a man in front of him, and named the single word that would carry it away.

Sulayman ibn Surad (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when two men began to abuse one another. The face of one of them turned red and the veins of his neck swelled. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he is feeling would leave him. If he said, ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Satan,’ what he is feeling would leave him.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him), Sahih al-Bukhari (3282) and Sahih Muslim (2610a) · meaning

Notice what this counsel rests on. The first rush of anger comes like a wave, fiercest as it rises and weaker once we stop feeding it. That short word of refuge is what holds us still while the first wave passes over us and goes. In one breath the heart turns away from the fire and toward the One who can cool it.

And do not think that holding back makes you the lesser man. In the sight of Allah it is the other way round.

“The strong man is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls himself at the time of anger.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him), Sahih al-Bukhari (6114) · meaning

So you are not being asked to stop feeling. You are being asked, in that one heated instant, to sit, to breathe, to let the first wave carry the storm out to sea, and to speak only once the water is calm again.

One small step: The next time you feel the heat begin to climb, quietly change your posture at once, sit down if standing, and stay silent while you breathe slowly through ten counts before you say a single word.